I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
