i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
