Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
