I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
