i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
operation have a gay friend backfired
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
