I wish life had little blips of pornography
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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