I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I said "one day" and that day is not today
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
