I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
