Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
