so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
