WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
