apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
