I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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