Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
