I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
