I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
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You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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