I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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