is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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