do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
