We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
