There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
