dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
