i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
