I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
