Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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