It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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