and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
