I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
