So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
