proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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