You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I showed him my bush... on skype.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
