Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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