she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
