oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
