you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
