My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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