i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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