I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
In America we eat man semen.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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