I'm so fucking centered right now
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My vagina is officially offended.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
