I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
