Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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