wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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