The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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