Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
