there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
