I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
