The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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