i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
