Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
my shit smells like andre
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
