I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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