it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
